Anne’s Rants & Reasons

  • My name is Anne and I am pschitophrenic, ADD, PTSD and they tacked on generalized amxiety disorder on the tail end but I live with such high levels of what others call anxiety but it is just normal for me. I have worried about making even the smallest mistake since I was 5 years old. I was afraid of not being liked or disappointing my parents or drawing any attention to myself at all.

Yeah it is safe to say I always knew I was different and hated it.  Why couldn’t I have attentive parents who forbid drinking rather than buying it for us by the time I was in high school.

I was never grounded, didn’t have a curfew and no one has ever waited up for me to get home at night. Not as a kid or an adult. I guess it is safe to say I am one of those people even a mother cared little for except as a friend.

I partied in high school had bad skin and worse boyfriends. I lived with my father and he travelled  every week so I basically was left to care for myself by the time I was 15 but it never seemed abnormal at the time in fact it gave me the freedom to rub wild and so I did!

Well that didn’t work out so great for me and I battled a long addiction to opiates that I finally kicked in 2013 after my father died from alcoholism. He had been my only ally in the world, the only person who had not shut me out and given up on me. He was my everything so when he died so did the family for me. I believe they still keep in contact my four brothers, step mom and all  the wives. They do vacation and the Derby every year while I do what I can to keep from drowning.

If only they knew all I needed was a life raft & some encouragement I would swim against the strongest tide and make it to shore because I stand here today alive with my daughter in my life. I never left her or chose drugs over her but when you are mentally ill it is easy for people to assume you are stupid and that the things you tell them are only in your mind. They tell you so much you take their meds and pretend you are watching it all unfold like absolute shit in front of you reeking of backstabbing betrayal and abandonment!

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